It’s Tuesday…

 

Yup, that’s as far as I got…………
                                     ……….. No explanations…………

……….no drama induced burnt Eggs Benedict caused it…………

I just woke up and realized that today I got nothin’…………..to write about………..that would spark an interest…….or get your creative juices running………..no inspiration……….no DIY on how to convert the dishwasher into a flatscreen TV so you could see how all that Mac n’ Cheese from last night washes away …….No cute way of taking a box of 8,685 Q-tips and turning it into a Spring centerpiece…..I can’t show you how my master bedroom makeover went from dull to Ralph Lauren and Martha Stewart in 18 minutes nor can I explain how my dining room table has turned into a textile bin…….or why I made 12 different sets of napkins – four each – when I have a family of fourteen…….Don’t bother looking for that cute little “How To”  on training  crows to get the mail, open it and chew up the  “You have won four days in Jamaica” postcards……they all quit in the first week….

Can’t explain how Martha Stewart remembers which one of her homes has the sheet sets from Macy’s and which one has the towels from JC Penney…….How does she remember which key goes to Skylands‘ and which one goes to Lily Pond and the other sixteen homes she owns?  I have to put different colors of nail polish on my set of keys and then keep a color-coded sheet hanging in the closet so I know where I’m suppose to be according to the  key in my hand……

I can’t fathom why Elvis is still wearing his napkin from his photo-shoot yesterday morning……

And why does the milk go sour on the exact day it expires? do cows sign a Spoilage contract?

There won’t be any burlap, jute or milk paint used today……no $3.00 table turned into a couch……..I can’t share my recipe for Beef stew for 78 people or how to use cantaloupe instead of that French melon so you could look like Cindy Crawford……

I don’t know what Frog tape is or why it works better than painters tape or why you should take that extra four hours and tape it in the first place! Isn’t it easier to slap on the paint and use a razor to get it off a window? At my age the razor gets my vote…..

My closets are not organized by theme……I don’t own a Brother label maker…….so when I reach for that brown thingy in the back of the closet I pray its the thingy I need…..I can’t offer you a template on how to make shoes or the diet plan I’ve been following – cause I haven’t been….and no I haven’t been compensated in any way for my random thought process……

I’m not offering a tutorial on knife sharpening, window washing, how to make a bed, clean the grill using pine cones or making s’mores the size of eggplants…..I can’t advise you on mothering a baby skunk or how to teach a cardinal to sing Yankee doodle dandy……I don’t know how to mix water, kiwi juice and molten lava to make the best natural way of removing the hard water stain in your toilet….I don’t have the knowledge of brick-laying, concrete pouring or how to build a compost…….If I won’t eat the veggies that are brown in the fridge – why would I eat them after spending six months in a bin behind the garage?

I also can’t help you in designing next year’s Christmas tree from a coat rack, hand made ornaments from old bubble gum, orange peels turned into pottery, using pine needles instead of Rosemary, garland made from pieces of stone forged from your hill sitting behind your 60 x 60 foot compost bin…..

Not here…….Not today……..

..sigh….

What I can tell you is this………

It’s NEVER too early for a Bloody Mary…….

feel quilty about drinking so early? That I can help you with!

…..Just use the tomatoes and celery sticks that you grew in your garden that was nurtured by the compost  you so lovingly turned over every day, that was created from all the leftovers of food you prepared from all the recipes you found online…

  that your family wouldn’t eat……

…sigh…..

when my husband, the brave one, asked what kind of mood I was in today I emailed him this:

funny women quotes

 

Yup, I love when a good plan comes together……

If you do nothing else today….do in Technicolor!

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Comments

  1. Oh no, the weather has really gotten to you or is it the itchy to be B**chy kind of day? No matter, we still love you even though we did not get to taste the cookies.

    • Much better today! Spring is on the horizon! And the cookies went to work with Al, too close to the Policemens Ball and dress buying to eat the cookies!

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